Mourning the loss of my child: 11/01/2006

Monday, November 20, 2006

No tears left for today

Today I made it without tears, no tears left in the physical sense today just the ones that are in my heart at the moment. Surprising enough it's been exactly 3 months 12 day's since my baby's death everyone said it will get better well it's not. It just seems to be getting worse with the holiday's fast approaching I just want to crawl in a hole and bury my head.

Angel was my life

The despair is never ending you feel as if your spireling downward not knowing how to get back to the light. My daughter was 15 years old and died on 08/08/2006.

My Angel's undying love

Today I was thinking of my Angel and what the new year brings, when out of nowhere came a feather from an Angels wing. The time I had spent thinking she was floating just above, telling me from Heaven of her undying love. In the New Year Beginning she did not want to see me cry nor let a day go by without viewing my smile. No fear or darkness envelopes me now for I know that in this day. New Year is a beginning with my Angel and her undying love from up above. Written for my daughter by Mary S. Castillo her mommy.

Happy Birthday My Sweet Angel!

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday dear Angel Happy Birthday to you. Mommy loves you and is thinking of you today in so many special ways. I miss you daily and am doing all I can to get the word out to help others. Do you remember your 5th Birthday I do, I remember you thought you were not going to have a cake and candles. You gave so much when you shared your home with the other kids coming into our life. That was your first Birthday with them you thought we were not going to celebrate because we had the other kids. I will never forget the joy and tears in your eyes when I brought in the cake with the candles lit and we sang happy birthday. This was supposed to be your best Birthday ever this Sweet Sixteen day but Heavenly Father will have to take over for me today since I can’t be there in person with you. Just know your in my heart today as always and never will I be without you as close as a thought. Today I will be celebrating in sprit with you for you were the most beautiful person in my life and always will be. I Love You! Love Mom

Thankful thoughts today

Today is Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for the time I had with my beautiful baby. Thankful for the smiles, love and joy she brought into my life while she was here. Today is the first holiday without her in the world and I’m praying that somehow she knows how much I love her and how thankful I truly am for her. I’ve chosen to endure this day alone so as not to bring any sadness to anyone else’s day, I knew it would be hard to hold back tears. I’m envisioning her having this day in heaven around a table full of all the foods that she enjoys so much. Praying heavenly father hugs her for me, tells her I love her and how very thankful to have had her as a part of my life and that I’m thinking of her today as always.